Note to Self: I am just sitting down to write after finishing up a Sunday house deep-clean. I plan to head to the gym after. It is a beautiful day, and I am excited for life!
An undeniably electric feeling of a successful first date is returning home (hopefully alone) and settling into the fairytale of “they might be the one”. They seem to check all the initial boxes of a long-term partner - having big dreams, making you laugh, holding endless conversation - all of which allow your brain to begin writing out your eternity together.
In modern dating, we are cautioned vigorously to never date for potential as it is a dangerous rabbit hole of resentment and unhappiness. Yet we are so organically enamored by the charm of a potential relationship from the get-go. We need so little to have hope that a future is possible with this stranger, to give them a chance. How can we maintain the magic of a budding relationship with the proper guard rails to ensure that we indeed are not deceived by what could be?
To begin, it is important to address the statement of “Don’t date for potential”. I believe that this is incomplete advice, and without proper definition leads to unnecessary pressure and anxiety around deciding to move a relationship forward. We are inevitably dating people for their potential - as a partner, a parent, a grandparent - all of which are impossible to determine and establish in the beginning. When is there enough evidence to give them a chance and not indefinitely push the goal post to commit? It is a truth of life that people change, and who you love today may not be who they are tomorrow. People are constantly discovering themselves, and a relationship must hold space for this exploration. When this statement is taken to heart as is, it can lead to people who are chronically afraid to commit because of what is around the corner, supercharged by social media and the allure of alternatives.
To make this advice more wholesome and actionable, I suggest rephrasing this statement from “Don’t date for potential” to “Don’t date for your idea of their potential”.
A successful relationship relies on commitment, and commitment relies on acceptance. And true acceptance comes from patience, curiosity, and an awareness of reality. You can never know what’s coming, but there are characteristics to look out for that can reassure you of your decision to commit to your budding relationship. These are key elements of people that exist above the technical noise, and gives a true disclaimer of who they are, and is something within your power to enforce today.