Note To Self: I am writing this from my favorite cafe so far in the New York City area, Fountainhas. It is a cozy Indian cafe that serve the best chai and Indian inspired treats. I came here to catch up on reading, but I just had the urge to write. And so begins this blog journey of mine.

It's Thursday evening, your mind is gearing up to receive the fully force of a NYC weekend, and the planning begins. Should you stop by your old friend's birthday dinner and drinks? But another friend has just succumbed to the allure of the city, and is throwing a housewarming. "I can stop by the house for a bit before dinner", you think out loud. You plan out the route, and notice that it's a 30 minute subway ride between the two locations. Or a $76 Uber.

You now have to power through the infinite seductions of the city until it's time to head out. A new popup in SoHo with free samples, a world-class asian bakery just opened its first shop in the city! The first 100 patrons get a free pastry and their picture on the wall.

And through it all, you still have bills to pay, work to do, goals to achieve, and peace to maintain. Welcome to New York City, where saying NO is the most powerful weapon you have against a perpetual queue of unforgettable memories, each one risking a snowball of commitments where you slowly and with joy, forget yourself.

You may think this is a typical start to the weekend for anybody, not just a city slick. Until you realize that every day in the “City of Dreams” is a tug of war, each limb pulled towards a different corner of the city offering a unique experience. After all, that's what people come here for, optimistic they won’t find themselves clenched in its jaws.

Whenever I return to the city from a short break, as the bus reaches within view of the Manhattan Midtown skyline, I feel its energy in my bones - excited to return to the center of the world. Each street beams with opportunity and optimism, new businesses take over old dreams. New residents learn to walk on the city sidewalks, holding their life close.

The city wastes no time recycling dead plants into enriched new roots, leaving little space for me to take account of what was. How can I grieve loss when something shinier immediately takes its place? The only sane path is to say yes to what’s ahead.

Saying yes allows you to keep with with the pace of this city. Say yes to social gatherings. Say yes to Networking events. Say yes to speed dating and drinks. Say yes to spontaneity. A missed opportunity in this city is especially amplified because the house is always full. A line of strangers hover over you, waiting for you to give up your place.

Everyday is sink or swim, a relentless pursuit of growth and excellence unlocks the door to the city, and anything less leaves one promptly guessing their worth. You can move here to start a career quickly to realize that everyone around you is an entrepreneur, starting their nth business. Is everything you have been working towards suddenly up in the air? Whoever you are as you enter this city is quickly challenged and presented with who else you can be. You may be left feeling as an imposter in your own life, laser focused on the dangling potential in front of you. Making memories, staying relevant, and seizing the day are all synonyms of modern culture, hyper-charged by this electric city without the guard rails to do it meaningfully and sustainably.

So, how does this burnout manifest? How can you tell when the magic quickly turns into poison? When the lights of the city start to blind your purpose?

When the snowball of YES reaches critical mass, time starts to blur, and commitments turn into obligations. You find yourself in a chain of just making it on time, thrown around the city contributing to the vibes of those around you. The city suddenly dictates your schedule, and you start swiping your mental and physical credit card - borrowing both energy and money from your future self to pay for your memories today.

No single experience becomes deeply meaningful, and you can’t seem to recall what your day was like and about, what you learned, how you failed, and how you grew. You find yourself summarizing your experiences as “It was good”, or “It was a long day”, an electron floating randomly in the city’s orbit, no direction dictating your actions.

And obviously, you lack the energy at the end of the day to show up for yourself, to sit in silence and reflect, to read that book sitting on your desk, to fulfill an overdue call to those you left behind on the next chapter in your life, to take the small steps to move ahead in your career. When you give everything you have to the city, what’s left to give yourself?

It’s not all hopeless romance vibes out here, there are plenty of opportunities to have a deeply meaningful and sustainable relationship with this city. There is an inevitable period when you first call this your home to jump into everything this city has, and there is no stopping that, nor should it be contained. That is an unavoidable gravitational pull that gives you a taste of what this place is all about.

When you however reach a critical mass of YES, and that time will come, may it be empowering to know that you can find yourself again, recalibrate your center and begin a new journey, now with the City of “No”.

First, let’s build a healthy relationship with “No”.

“No” is a profoundly simple concept that requires actually a very complex understanding of self and our environment. We are taught to be kind, to be present, to be available for those we care about - because that is what it means to be a good person. We are not however taught first to commit to ourselves, our needs, and our wants, before allowing space to show up to the world.

“No” is powerful when it comes from a place of sincerity and self-love. It shows those watching that you are a person of direction and pursuit, of priorities and confidence. Those who celebrate your sincere “No” and those who condemn it allow you to filter your companionship and align them to your life’s direction.

Feeling any guilt from saying “No” signals deeper understanding of self required to maintain a power balance in this city, which can very comfortably overpower a lack of internal stability. It takes tremendous love for oneself to hold steady amidst the glitter all around them here.

1-Year Plan: To say “No”, requires most importantly a strong sense of self. What is your 1-year plan? How can this city help you achieve it? Who you want to be in a year allows you to work your way back to what you need to be doing TODAY.** Let this guide your first commitments to yourself.

The “No” Reset: This exercise involves dedicating a period to say “No” to all non-essential and non-personal opportunities. What this does is invoke a quiet period which will act as a new baseline to then build very intentional and calculated systems to say “Yes”.

Remember, an opportunity passed today in preservation of your pursuit can blossom plenty more tomorrow, a hydra of rewards. And this city is a never ending factory of new experiences. But each day you fall for its charm is a day it robs from you the opportunity to use it in your favor.

The meaning of success changes as you age in New York City. Success begins with trying everything, doing everything, and being everywhere. Success must also evolve from exploration to extraction, using the city’s resources to sling shot your goals and dreams, in a city that very much has an abundance of virtue hidden amongst the vices. This guide services to aid in that evolution, identifying signals that change is needed, and providing the fundamentals to reclaiming your identity and taking control of the chaos.

So, next time the city seduces you into a potential snowball of catching up with your own commitments and goals, feel empowered to say NO, and show up for yourself. Doing so in this electric city is a sure sign that you are the master of your life.

And as always, I would love to hear from you about your unique experiences. Please provide feedback or reach out directly @ [email protected]